Tuesday, 20 August 2013

The Break Up Blog


This is definitely a more personal post and something that I wouldn't normally do but, I've been contemplating writing this post for some time with the idea that It may help some people who may be going through a break-up themselves. So whether you're the dump-ee or the dump-er I hope that this reaches out to some of you In a way and helps you..

I was in a relationship for about 3 years which coincidentally ended around 3 years ago now. I wish I could say It ended on good terms but unfortunately like many relationships, It ended on really bad terms and It was a pretty horrible time. In this instance I was the dump-ee which is never a good feeling (lets be honest) and I was gutted about the whole thing.

When it happened, my first feelings were probably shock and confusion. I didn't really understand what I'd done that was so wrong and I think because he didn't really know how to deal with it himself, It just made things a million times worse. There were definitely times when I felt like I was loosing my mind and that I was never going to feel normal again because the relationship had been such a big part of my life for a long time. Everyone deals with things differently, some people like to get their emotions out there which can result in a lot of social network venting but personally I've never been a huge fan of this and only really confided in people close to me. The best thing I ever did was 'delete' him from my life, this included social networking and his mobile phone. As childish as this sounds, It is just self torture and pretty unhealthy to look through someones Facebook and start making assumptions about girls posting on their page or in their photos particularly when you're feeling down already.

Its sad but true that in my experience boys tend to rebound a lot quicker than girls, particularly if they themselves have ended the relationship. This is something I unfortunately had to deal with which was really hard for me. The best advice I could give anyone in this situation is to keep busy! It is highly likely that they are not sitting around thinking about you all day, so why are you dedicating so much of your time thinking about them?! It won't be easy, you'll still have your bad days.. and night times are definitely the worst! But if you can surround yourself with your close friends, it really does help. I am lucky enough to have some great friends and family members who were there for me throughout.

Fortunately for me I had just got into University so once I was there I barely gave the whole ordeal a second thought because I was constantly busy. Sometimes you just have to get away and experience something new, I come from quite a small town which definitely suffers from 'small town syndrome' making it near on impossible to get away from that kind of situation.
Small towns for sure will incur its fair share of gossip about your recent heartbreak, the best thing you can do is to rise above it. It appeared some of the people in my town seemed to know more about my break up than I did and had their own conclusions about it. Don't waste your time worrying about this, as long as you know what happened that is all that matters and If they have nothing better to talk about then that says a lot about that individual.

I am by no means saying run away from your problems, but maybe do a bit of soul searching, get a hobby, do something you haven't done before or go to university. Take your mind away from the situation.

If there's anything I have learnt from this experience its that being angry and bitter gets you absolutely no where. It just leaves you to wallow in your own misery while the rest of the world is moving on, so don't let that consume you. Feeling sorry for yourself while your listening to someone playing a guitar and singing a song about love will only make you feel worse. Going 'off the rails' and getting hammered all the time isn't fooling anyone, If anything its screaming louder than ever that you're not over it. And contrary to the expression that 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else' .. It most definitely isn't!
Just take everything at your own pace.

Break ups can be messy but you do get through it. Although I will never be friends with my Ex boyfriend, we remain relatively civil and respect the fact that we have both moved on with our lives. I am really happy now and am In a loving stable relationship, something I didn't think would ever happen back then.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this post and that it has been helpful to at least one person out there. I would love to hear what your thought of this post so please leave me a comment below.


7 comments:

  1. this is a great post! you have shown some good points that will help others, I have followed your blog :)
    Shelley x

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  2. Thank you! Thats's what I was hoping :)

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  3. Brill post Hun. I did a similar blog post two years ago, focusing on the dramas your smart phone & social media can lead to during a break-up and your right, the best thing you can do is block/delete/move on. As hard as it is at the time, everyone comes out of a breakup stronger, and if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be, so although its heartbreaking, you shouldn't focus so much time on energy on someone who doesn't love you, and focus it on those who do - family, friends, and yourself. Nice blog, mine is www.allabouttink.co.uk X x

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  4. Thankyou! Sorry it's taken me so long to get back, been in Reading since Thursday. Couldn't agree more, really enjoyed your post!

    xxx

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  5. This is a great post Ashlee, I'm sure you have helped many people by sharing your experience! Time is the biggest healer in my opinion :)
    Bea x
    Bea's Beauty Blog

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    1. Thankyou, I hope so.. you always think its the end of the world but I think looking back after time has past you gain so much perspective and learn a hell of a lot.

      Thanks so much for reading..

      Ash xx

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  6. Hey! I really liked your post. I went through a super hard breakup a couple of years ago and this really resonated with a lot of the horrible stuff I felt. It's really great to know that you're not alone and that you will get over it no matter how terrible it might seem at the time. I wish I had stumbled upon this post when I was going through it, it would have probably made me feel a great deal better. We had been together for almost 6 years and he was my first boyfriend ever so it was devastating when it ended and it felt like my whole world had fallen apart. I think that a lot of people just can't accept that everything will be alright, it seems like dwelling on that lost love is somehow the only way to go. It's really good advice to keep busy and focus on yourself. :) Thanks for being so open and sharing your experience!

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